Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
