I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
