Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
