Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
