She's JV to your varsity
they need to just BURY HIM!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
