roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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