I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
