Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
