Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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