$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
