His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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