Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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