lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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