i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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