He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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