she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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