batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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