i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
two words...techno handjob
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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