I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
