I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
