cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
