I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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