it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
