So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
