I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Pooping to opera.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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