i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
