her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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