A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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