I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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