ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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