By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
