i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
