i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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