Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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