She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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