I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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