from now on my penis is your penis
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
