Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
