This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
