we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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