dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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