guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
