they need to just BURY HIM!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
