I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
