You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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