Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
