Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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