he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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