i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
