I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
