saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
