Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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