I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
