Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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