alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
