apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
