I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
