The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
