I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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