Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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