Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
