And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am spending my child support on dildos
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize