I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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