is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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