What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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