So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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