my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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