I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
