now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
