He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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