Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
