So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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