Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
